Love your rites of passage into the sixties- great! That trying so hard to be cool but not knowing what you have to be cool about- made me giggle.

The Day the World Changed
By Jenny Knight

We were walking through wet leaves towards the grand entrance to the high school. I was looking down at my socks; the mandatory navy blue, cutting into my calves and making my knees look enormous. Not quite old enough for stockings and suspenders yet - but very soon I hoped. I'd need to start shaving my legs soon, too. I could see some hairs were resting attractively on the rim of the sock. Oh dear. In that moment I felt a pang of insecurity, but couldn't have articulated why.
Sian walked beside me, smelling of fresh cigarette - Number 6. She said nothing, gazing into the distance. We clutched our school bags full of dog-eared books, psychedelic pencil cases and supplies of sweets from the tuck shop. Hilary was singing quietly as she swung her briefcase backwards and forwards; a song from the White Album. She knew all the words and liked to demonstrate this as often as possible. I'd tried to learn them, but my mother had told me to, 'turn that rubbish down or off', so many times I gave up trying.
As we approached the large, imposing entrance to the school hall, Meryl ran down the steps towards us, sobbing loudly. She was actually aiming to run past us - we were irrelevant - only in the second year and very young. But she'd taught us to smoke, which meant we had a relationship of sorts. - respectful but also respected by her for smoking so well. (None of us were sick, which had been her experience in previous years with first formers.) On the back of this tenuous relationship and still smelling of her last attempt at 'taking it down', Sian stepped into Meryl's path and asked what was wrong. Meryl composed herself, somewhat dramatically, took a deep breath and announced it. 'Otis Redding is dead.'
For me, this news was not particularly significant and provoked no feelings. I thought he'd done the song, 'Sitting on the Dock of the Bay', but that's all I knew. However, I opened my mouth very wide in a shocked and terribly sad way and lifted my hand to cover it; just in case I smirked by accident. (This was something I was inclined to do at dramatic moments - smirk inappropriately - like when my Uncle died.)
All three of us made big noises - words like 'Oh my God.' 'Otis? Otis Redding?' 'Meryl that's fucking terrible.' (Plentiful use of the F word was obligatory at the time.)
Meryl staggered off after a few nods, a limp wave of her hand in our direction and a big sniff. I use the word 'staggered', because she did - it was as though Otis's death had taken away her ability to put one foot in front of the other. It was very well done, though. I made a mental note.
We all stood still for a moment and retained our grave faces. I recall saying, 'What a terrible shame', in a very deep voice and a little too slowly, feeling like a prat as soon as I'd said it. Fancy using words like 'Terrible'! and, 'Shame'! God, it was an obstacle course, this being cool thing. Still, at least I was recognising my mistakes.
After an awkward silence where we all tried to rearrange our faces just enough to not look too 'panto' in our grief, Hilary said, 'Mind you, it's all changing now. Maybe that's why he's died.'
'Why?'
(Don't ask me who had the courage to ask - I'm ashamed to say it was probably me when really, I should have just nodded knowingly. But anyway I'm glad the question was asked.)
'Well, it's all flower power now, you know', she replied.

Hello Jenny,
I laughed all the way through this piece; at the character's overriding voice -Oh dear-when she sees her hairy legs and when she's trying to learn the songs to the White Album, powerless in the face of her mother. I found the characterisation touching too, with the mention of her insecurity making the voice authentic and engaging.
The whole of the section with the girls, all trying to be cool is fall-down funny. I particularly liked -It was as though Otis's death had taken away her ability to put one foot in front of the other- and then the character's reaction. - It was very well done, though. I made a mental note.- Wonderful.

I had a question about whether it was your aim not to use paragraphs. I thought it might be to give the piece an adolescent feel. Just in case it was not intentional, (though from your punctuation I doubted that), I've suggested paragraph breaks which you can reject.

Here are several other comments.
You use - he did, she did, I had - most of the way through the text. In many of the places, I've suggested the use of - he'd - she'd - I'd - instead. It is less formal and offers more 'flow' to the writing, see if you agree.
It was not immediately clear that Meryl came down the steps towards the girls, so I added that. I've also taken out a couple of repetitions, moved some quote marks, e.g. -my mother had told me to 'turn that rubbish down or off'.
There are a few adjustments to commas, but really very little.

I enjoyed this piece so much; the idea that Meryl should 'stagger' with grief! It's no mean feat to write a funny story, and you've done it.
Let me know if you have any queries,
Isanna Curwen.