Anthology Final Submission-Francesca Borrelli

By University Writing Group

Frosted windows
The smell of snow fairy lingered
and the bubbles were still whole.

Moist drops dripped too slowly to notice
down the diamond coral tiles.

From the beach cabinet he could see them,
their bodies wet, their hair lathered.

No words spoken, only their eyes
meeting through the steam.

William Hope Collins
Thick scent of weed
and girly aftershave linger
as a 5 pence piece winks at me
from beside your dressing gown sleeve.

Fag ash etches closer to the
mound of T-shirts I never see you wear
but that always need a wash.

Your stripy sock has lasted through the night,
but the left bares your peachy arch
and your bony hand teases the floor,
laden with red stamps, pressed two nights ago.

This page was added on 22/04/2009.

Comments/reviews:

COMMENTS FROM QUEENSPARK BOOKS EDITOR

Hi Francesca.

These are lovely poems, simple and so visual. I enjoyed the languid pace of both these works, like quiet observation.
I have very little to comment on, and the three very minor comments I will make, I want to qualify by saying; they are very minor.
I wondered about -snow fairy- as the name for the soap? It seemed almost familiar (fairy-snow) but not quite, and I looked for meaning, when perhaps you don't want the reader to look for meaning in that.
Secondly, in William Hope Collins, (a truly inspired title I felt) I had a little doubt about -etches - though as a word, it is lovely. But the image it creates in relation to the ash moving towards the clothes was slightly tricky. Did you want shorthand for etches the floor, etches a journey?
The third relates to the red stamps (of night club's)? and in a pedantic way, I wondered if he'd gone in and out of the same club, since the stamps were all red.

I make these points because I think these poems, particularly the second, is almost perfect. So with that in mind, these tiny three areas stood out a fraction.
I could pick out some of the lines I particularly liked in the second work, but when I tried, I couldn't, because I like the whole thing.

By Anthology EDITOR (30/04/2009)

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