Perfect Man

Debbie Waldon

By Comedy Of Errors

Oh my giddy aunt, I can't believe she did that to me. Giving me a present like that right in the middle of the restaurant, god knows what the waiters thought. I'll take it back first thing Monday, shouldn't be a problem, it's not been used.

Oh damn, I forgot to take that thing back. Not sure they'll refund it now, it's only slightly used but it's the hygiene thing. Have to say my thighs are a bit firmer and my stomach's not been this flat in years.

Oh that skirt's lovely, bit young for me, though. And those shoes, what would they do to my sciatica? I know what they'll say, mutton dressed as... Wonder if they're still open.

Oh that's better, these mirrored wardrobes are a godsend for getting a full length view. Mustn't lose those receipts. Wonder what else they give a good view of? Best pull the curtains, you can't be too sure. These mirrors conceal things too. He takes up all Malcolm's side but now that he's gone... Just noticed it says on the box 'self-inflating'; aren't they all dear?